Personality

It’s been such a crazy week. Lots of classes, lots of homework, and worst of all, not much sleep, which is leaving me terribly tired right now. I plan on crashing out as soon as I’m done writing this blog entry.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about personality and how despite the fact I’m a very outgoing guy and I have a rather shy persona. I often am very reserved in terms of going after things that I have an interest in. It seems that this personality trait can really come back to bite me a lot, especially in the past few years. A friend was talking to me, and he seemed to point in on the fact that I’m not very aggressive or assertive. I generally just float on by and hope things work out for the best. It wouldn’t be an understatement to state that I don’t think things have worked out for the best, now or pretty much ever, while using this strategy.

I really should be more assertive and aggressive when it comes to some things, but it seems so foreign for me that I just can’t get comfortable in situations like that and to try and do otherwise just makes me feel out of place. However, I think if the way things are now isn’t working, I do need to change somehow…

Japanese people live in Japan?

So, A few weeks back, things got pretty bad. I was pretty torn up, and I really wanted to go home. I felt like my social network had pretty much collapsed on me, I was homesick like crazy, and I just was having a pretty miserable time. However, I underestimated my optimism and extroverted personality, because before long, I had suddenly made a handful of really awesome new friends, gotten a little bit more involved, and realized that things weren’t nearly as bad as I thought they were. I’m so glad things have worked out like this.. It’s back to the point where I don’t want to go home again… however, I do gotta say, It’s weird, the status Japan is for me… There’s really nothing in this country binding me to it, except the (mostly foreigner) friends I have here, and the language. My last class on Friday is a class with only foreigners, so it’s all Chinese, Korean, and other Asian students in it. We’re all around the same level of Japanese (Except they’re much better at Kanji…) so its easy to talk to them, they don’t really use words I don’t know, I don’t use words they don’t know, and we can express just about every concept we want to each other without any real problems… The whole weekend, I spoke Japanese, but again, only with the international students (many of them don’t speak English) by the time Monday afternoon rolled around I met a Japanese person, and had to stop myself from asking them where they were from… It had totally slipped my mind that Japanese people even lived here….in Japan.

I really wish I had more than three months left here… if I had more, it would make everything much more convenient.. So many new opportunities have presented themselves lately, but I feel like perhaps I’m being held back by the amount of time I have here…

Slightly off topic, but too important to not post.

下に、日本語版があります。
아래로, 한국어판이 있습니다.

In 2005 my Grandfather passed away from complications of Alzheimer’s Disease. He suffered from the disease for many years before losing his battle with it. It was a very painful progression to watch, and since his diagnosis my family has been active in supporting the Alzheimer’s Association and related causes.

Four years ago my family began participating in local Alzheimer’s Memory Walks. The first year we raised over $1,400. We immediately decided we wanted to aim higher for the next year and set our goal at a lofty $10,000. We fell short, but still reached a total of $2,400. Last year was a good year, but we still didn’t reach $10,000. We’re still aiming for that mark.

I sent this link to ask if you might be able to contribute to our goal or our personal mission as a family. I realize you are all probably busy and may give to other causes, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to ask. Anything at all would be greatly appreciated, be it the donation of money or simply words of encouragement for my family and those who support us. Whatever the case, please know that we appreciate your support.

This year, I will not be able to join in the Alzheimer’s Memory walk, as I will still be in Japan when the walk takes place, so this year, I would like to support my family as much as possible.

Thank you again, so very much.

http://memorywalk2010.kintera.org/columbus/chimie45

日本語：

2005年に、私の祖父は、アルツハイマー病の合併症から亡くなりました。彼の戦いを失う前に、彼は、何年間も病気に苦しみました。彼の診断以来、私の家族はAlzheimer’s Associatonを支持しています。4年前に、私の家族は、「Alzheimer’s Memory Walks」に参加し始めました。

初年度の間、私の家族はチャリティーのために1,400ドルのドルを集めました。その次の年のゴールは、1万ドルの私たちの目標をしました。 私たちは、それゴールのお金を増やすことができませんでしたが、合計2,400ドルに達しました。昨年、再試行しましたが、私たちはまだ1万ドルに達していませんでした。
私たちはまだそのマークを目指しています。

私は、あなたが家族として私たちの目標か私たちの個人的な任務に貢献できるかどうか尋ねるためにこのリンクを送りました。皆さんが、たぶん忙しいとわかって、他の原因に与えるかもしれませんが、私は、尋ねてもよいのを計算しました。とにかく何でもよろしくお願いします、私の家族と私たちを支持する人に対するお金の寄付か単に奨励の単語であることにかかわらず。私たちがご支援に感謝するのを知ってください。

すみません、私には、警護が本当に難しいので、私はインターネットから助けを使用しました。（笑）

今年、私は、「Alzheimer’s Memory Walk」に参加できないでしょう、散歩が行われるとき、私がまだ日本にいるときです。それで、今年、できるだけ一家の暮らしを立てたいと思います。

本当に、ありがとうございました。

http://memorywalk2010.kintera.org/columbus/chimie45

한국어:

2005년에, 나의 할아버지는, 알츠하이머병의 합병증으로 돌아가셨습니다. 그의 싸움을 잃기 전에, 그는, 몇년간이나 병으로 고생했습니다. 그의 진단이래, 나의 가족은 Alzheimer”s Associaton을 지지하고 있습니다. 4년전에, 나의 가족은, 「Alzheimer”s Memory Walks」에 참가하기 시작했습니다.

초년도의 사이, 나의 가족은 자선을 위해서 1, 400달러의 달러를 모았습니다. 그 다음 해의 골은, 1만달러의 우리들의 목표를 했습니다. 우리들은, 그것 골의 돈을 늘릴 수 없었습니다만, 합계2, 400달러에 달했습니다. 작년, 재시행했습니다만, 우리들은 아직 1만달러에 이르고 있지 않았습니다.
우리들은 아직 그 마크를 목표로 삼고 있습니다.

나는, 당신이 가족으로서 우리들의 목표인가 우리들이 개인적인 임무에 공헌할 수 있는 것인가 아닌가 방문하기 위해서 이 링크를 보냈습니다. 여러분이, 아마 바쁘다고 알고, 다른 원인에 줄지도 모르겠습니다만, 나는, 물어도 좋은 것을 계산했습니다. 어쨌든 무엇이든지 잘 부탁합니다, 나의 가족과 우리들을 지지하는 사람에게 대한 돈의 기부인가 단지 장려의 단어인 것에 관계 없이. 우리들이 지원에 감사하는 것을 알아 주십시오.

미안합니다, 나에게는, 경호가 정말로 어려우므로, 나는 인터넷으로 도움을 사용했습니다. （웃음）

올해, 나는, 「Alzheimer”s Memory Walk」에 참가할 수 없지요, 산보가 행하여질 때, 내가 아직 일본에 있을 때입니다. 그래서, 올해, 될 수 있는한 일가의 생계를 꾸리고 싶습니다.

정말로, 고마웠습니다.

http://memorywalk2010.kintera.org/columbus/chimie45

This title is more unique than the sum of the Japanese population.

Work lately has been rather drab, I mean, again, it’s not hard work, and it’s not that it doesn’t have it’s fun parts, it just seems to be interfering with my life more than it did last semester. Last semester there was the occasional party or dinner at 8:00 or something, which I generally would make it to just a bit late, but recently it seems I’ve been unable to go to events on a several-times a week basis. Which is rather annoying. Again, I have to work, and I have a great job, so I can’t really complain much, but you know, it does get frustrating–thus why I’m ranting.

Now, I don’t wanna get off on a rant here, but a friend of mine asked a question the other day about my opinion of Japan/Japanese people. I wasn’t going to say anything at first, but after a moment, I felt the need to express what has built up inside me for the past few months. To me, the Japanese are people who overwork while aiming at an underachieving goal. I don’t know how many people here at Saitama when asked what they want to do when they get out of college is “Work at a job”. Their life goal is to enter a company by the time they’re 23 or 24, and work there until they retire. It’s a group of people who are content with being one out of many, having no individuality at all. Even in their most obvious self-expression–fashion; hair styles, clothing, way of dress–while it is ‘unique’ it’s the same fashion every other person in Japan is wearing. Every guy has gel in his wild hair, same style of clothing. Every girl wearing a skirt with black leggings with the same frilly shirts.

Its no wonder Japanese are often so racist and forbidding to outsiders, Whites, Blacks, Hispanics even other Asians can never blend in–they can never be one out of a million, therefore they can never be Japanese.

This post led to a small discussion with a friend who had spent time in Japan as well, and we contemplated Japan and it’s pitfalls–

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your response to [the] question was dead on! I totally agree with you on all of that. All of that stuff infuriated me while I was there, and STILL infuriates me. Also, Japanese guys treat their girlfriends like shit… And everytime I tried to bring any of that up to a japanese person they would get angry and defensive and say that America has a lot of problems too, or blamed it on their ‘tradition’ or ‘culture’. Cheap excuse. It was frustrating.

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Every Japanese girl I know says they hate how Japanese guys treat them but there just isn’t anyone else to be with. That’s why foreigners are so popular. [With Japanese girls]

Another huge problem is the racism. I have lots of friends here who were born in Japan, they only speak Japanese, they’ve never been out of the country, in many cases neither have their parents, and they’re required to get a new alien ID every 4 years. Just because their grandmother or something was Korean. If any of your relatives wasn’t 100% Japanese, you’re not Japanese. I know several people who fit this situation exactly. They have a passport for a country they’ve never been to. They can’t even read the writing on the passport.

This country is infuriating. I mean, I love the language, I for the most part like the people, but the culture blows. I also dislike the rose colored glasses everyone in America is wearing about Japan. They think it’s a magical land of Anime funtime and chopstick Sushi.
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I felt this was a topic I felt strongly about, so I figured I’d post it here.

April

Someone asked me, “In ten years, will you remember the stupid things you stressed about?”

This is a common phrase. You hear it a lot. There are many flavors, but the message remains the same. Don’t sweat the small stuff, because in the long run, they don’t make a difference anyways. However, I thought about it and this is what I came up with.

No, I wont remember what stressed me in ten years. But at the same time I also won’t remember the beautiful sunrise that I woke up to this morning. I won’t remember the guy that was rude to me on the subway, or the beautiful smile of the child I saw playing in the street. Good or bad, time fades it all.

What I will remember is the people who changed my life during these four years of my life for better or for worse; they will be the lasting connections I keep. They have shaped me into who I am, and those kind of memories can not be faded by time.

Also, as the new semester starts later this week, I’ll begin updating this old thing again. It’s about time I got on that.

It’s been a weird crazy first semester, and even a stranger Spring break (which was 2 months long). Trust me, I’ll be writing another book for this experience. Too much to keep inside.

Thanks!

So, I had wanted to have a dinner for thanksgiving, but I wasn’t exactly sure how I was going to work out all the little details, I didn’t know where to buy a Turkey, I didn’t have a oven, I wasn’t even sure I knew how to cook anything. As you all know, Thanksgiving is this Thursday, but several people couldn’t come, and then I found I would have to work on Thursday, so I couldn’t make it anyways. However, Monday was a National holiday in Japan, so I figured people would be more available.

We stayed out late on Sunday, and on Monday I realized I would need to get up really early in order to make it all the way into Tokyo to the import store where I would buy all the materials. I dragged Harrison along, and we made it to the store in Hiroo around 10am. As Thanksgiving was coming up, all the good foods were out, so it wasn’t hard to find. We bought a Turkey Breast that was boneless, two turkey legs, mashed potatoes, corn, cranberry sauce, stuffing, and all the fixings. I also grabbed some Carrots from the local grocery, and we were on our way home. When we got home, I got to cooking. I tossed the Turkey in the oven and then set about preparing the other foods. Another American, Jacqueline, had cooked up a bunch of food, but was going to Church, so she donated the food to our cause. My Korean friend Jang EunHye came over and helped me prepare the food, though she had a bit of trouble reading all the English instructions. =P The food was all prepared and brought to the room. 16 people showed up and we had quite the feast. Surprisingly, the food wasn’t too terrible =P I actually thought it was pretty good. The Gravy was delicious, I was so happy with how it turned out. I guess cooking isn’t too terribly hard. The Swedes brought some Swedish meatballs which I gleefully destroyed in a matter of minutes (You know how much I like Swedish Meatballs…) Afterwards we all headed up to my room to hang out, and one by one people headed out, and when only three or four of us were left, we popped in a movie and just chilled out for a while. It was such a relaxing day and totally evaporated any of the homesick feelings I had. I mean, I still miss my family (especially my beloved sister =P) but last night, I was truly appreciative of my new family I’ve found here at Saidai.

Also, Koreans with fillet knifes are really scary.

Differences

Its hard for me to sit here in Saitama and not compare my life here to the life I lived before I arrived, or the life I lived in Japan 5 years ago. So much has changed even from 2 months ago. So many times in the past, I’ve been confronted by the faults and skeletons in my closet that it ended up ruining friendships and experiences. I’ve tried so hard in the past few months to change, to get rid of the things that always seem to break everything. I’m trying my best, and I think it’s showing in how good everything is going here. I’ve become friends with so many of the nicest people, and I hope we can remain friends for a long time.

This month I’ve been at Saitama has been the single best month of my life. (I know I’ve said that so many times in the past two weeks, but it’s true.)

Japanese OCD.

It doesn’t really stick out to me anymore, as I’m so acclimated to the Japanese lifestyle after having lived here, and during these past 3 weeks bring all my Japanese culture back to me, and even at that, it should be no surprise when I say the Japanese citizenry as a whole are some very neat and organized people. I don’t just mean their obsession with cleanliness–there’s a sink at the door to McDonalds, just in case you wanna wash your hands of the corporate greed of a 7 dollar quarter-pounder… but I digress, I could go on about the Japanese cleanliness, but that’s not what this post is about necessarily. It’s more along the lines of Japanese order. Not only does society have a specific hierarchy, but there are rules, not just social norms, but rules for specific situations at specific times. You have to dress certain ways, talk certain ways, behave certain ways. Putting the Keigo post aside, I began thinking about this while at McDonalds, no less, when I heard the clicking of one of the staff’s shoes. She wasn’t wearing sneakers, work shoes, no, she was wearing heels. Big ones. Not just her, but all 3 of the women there were. They also were wearing the ‘Fast Food restaurant’ hat, and were wearing identical uniforms, which were much more done up than they ever would in America. When I worked at Burgerking, the rule was, BK Polo, Black pants, if your hair is past your eyes, wear a hat. That’s it. And that’s normal for a fast food restaurant in America. Japan’s work dress code is very strict, they have very set uniforms, which no one seems to complain, at least publicly, about. In America, there are places of work which have dress codes, you can’t wear shorts to an executive meeting, but at the same time, if they required McDonalds workers to wear heels, they’d be facing a lawsuit for discrimination. Maybe it’s a symptom of our society, or maybe it’s a symptom of the Japanese. It’s just amazing how organized everything is. Every job has a uniform, be it construction worker, police officer, office worker, train driver, taxi driver. Just to drive home the point, there are many thing which just -are- there’s no real rhyme or reason, no police out to enforce the rule, but there are some things in society that have ways about them. Such as condiments. (Really?) Yes. Condiments, it was one of the things I remember most about my time in Japan before. I was eating eel (which is delicious, by the way) and I reached for this sauce, its kinda like a mix between steak sauce and Worcestershire sauce, to put it on my eel. Everyone at the table instantly corrected me. That’s not the sauce that goes on that kind of food. Why not? cause it doesn’t. The elementary explanation left me dumbfounded. No one could give me a reason why they were objecting to me using that sauce, but they just were. I was stepping out of the single-file line of society, and they were scrambling to get me back in line with the rest of them.

(I’m sure this is one big rambling note, sorry)

Living here also reinforces how little America does for nature. Something like 2/3rds of the cars on the roads here are hybrids. All cars are within 5 years old, get over 30mpg. They recycle just about everything here. At McDonalds (sorry for another McD example, but I was just there…) at the trash receptacle there are 3 openings. One for burnable trash (paper, cardboard one for plastic: straws, lids, mixers and one for liquids/ice. My friend Masaya had 4 trashcans in his kitchen. One for Glass, Paper, Plastic, and Cans. Furthermore, he had bags in a drawer for other things like batteries and old electronics. It’s amazing how much they recycle–something like 65-75% of their waste, and how clean everything is. You’ll hardly even notice a cigarette butt on the sidewalk, let alone a bag or old can–and they have 10000x more public vending machines on the street and 1/100th the trash/recycling bins.

There’s so much attractive about this country and so much… strange about this country.

Cars

So if you’ve ever been to Japan, one thing that is very noticable is that all the cars look new. They’re all shiny, glossy, and nice. You never see old rust buckets–save for maybe a work truck out in the country. Comparing this to America, its strange, because you see a lot more clunkers hanging around the streets of Detroit that you ever would… anywhere in Japan. I brought this up with someone the other day, and they shined some light upon the subject. I was talking to an Australian, who had lived in Japan for a few years back in the early 2000s. She said she bought a used car, only to find Japan wouldn’t let her register it. The car was maybe 7-8 years old, still good condition, ran great, but Japan had deemed it ‘Not road worthy.’. It makes me wonder if Japanese people go out and buy new cars every 3-4 years… I mean, I guess when you have a transit system as complete as the Japanese system, it’s not as critical to have a car. I also would posit that by having such a far-reaching transit system, cars wouldn’t rack up mileage as quickly either?

Of all the gin joints, in all the towns…

Although I’ve not finished typing my bajillion finals papers, I figured I would take a break, and type out something else for once. Although I do still have to type that 10 page paper on Japanese film, it’s due Tuesday at 3:15 and I’ve not started, eek.
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Anyways, in the article, From Citizens of Limbo, an unknown author critiques writings by Donald Richie, a renowned film critic who has spent fifty plus years living in, learning, and exploring Japan. Using Richie’s text he analyzes what it is like to be an expatriate in Japan. I’ll repost the quote I showed before;

They retain an illusion from childhood that there might be someplace into which they can finally sink to rest, some magic land, some golden age, some significantly other self. Yet his own oddness keeps the foreigner separate from every encounter. Unless he regards this as something fruitful, he cannot be considered cured.

This is the great lesson of expatriation. In Japan, I sit on the lonely heights of my own peculiarities and gaze back at the flat plains of Ohio, whose quaint folkways no longer have any power over me. And then turn and gaze at the islands of Japan, whose folkways are equally powerless in that the folk insist I am no part of them. This I regard as the best seat in the house, because from here I can compare, and comparison is the first step toward understanding.

This is incredibly profound, and spot on. I think anyone who has found a calling to another country, culture, or even has just through circumstance found themselves in that position can attest, that it’s not an easy job. As the unknown author, who I’ll refer to as John Doe from here on out, points out, this country that you’ve put yourself into never asked you to come, they never wanted you in the first place. After long enough time in a place, one would expect that you could simply merge into the host culture, and fit in. With Japan, this is not, and cannot be the case. Not only does the rampant xenophobia prevent the hosts from accepting you as one of their own, you cannot even pretend you are a native, as you stick out like the jolly green giant. Even if this proverbial seat is the best to be sat at, it doesn’t mean it’s the easiest.
That’s where some of Richie’s most sound advice comes in, and his secret for survival for so long,

I may have rejected the USA where I was born, but I did not decide to be Japanese,” he writes. “That is an impossible decision, since the Japanese prevent it. Rather, I decided to decorate Limbo and become a citizen of this most attractive, intensely democratic republic.

I think the problem that most foreigners fall into is that they try so hard to be accepted, to be native, and when the hosts undoubtedly reject them, it crushes them. There is a major difference between entering a country expecting to be an outcast and expecting to fit in. Unfortunately, when the latter discovers that they are actually the former, it’s too much to take, and the rejection causes them to seek familiarity, and they return to their original home.

What has gone missing? One, and of course it’s irretrievable, is the beauty of the country. It was the most beautiful country I’d ever seen in my life and now it’s just about the ugliest. That and an attitude toward nature which was based upon penury. If you don’t have furniture, then you pay a lot of attention to empty space. And if you have only mud, you pay a lot of attention to pottery.

And now I look around. In fifty years, it has changed, materialistic, peacetime Japan, 1992, where all that counts is how much you make and what you can buy. I read Main Street and Babbit back then and determined never to stay. It is now full circle; the Japanese are the new-rich Babbits in the true American mold. And Tokyo is the new Main Street.

John Doe summarizes nicely that “Of course, nobody should complain about being bushwhacked by one’s own expectations and by assuming that the inevitable would obligingly wait for us to die off first. The circular nature of time brings the expatriate’s bitter comeuppance: elsewhere turns into the place he was trying to get away from.”

Although the society has had its materialistic ways stripped from it through the financial crisis of the mid 1990s, the point still remains. Perhaps it wasn’t America that Richie was trying to rid himself of, perhaps it was some disdain with the saturated essence of where he was. As I know, Ohio can be overbearing, but one would assume after fifty years in Tokyo, The foreigner would come under the pressures with which Japanese expatriates claim when they escape from the land within which they were born.

John Doe’s conclusion I think finishes the thought rather nicely;

But I still haven’t answered my own question. If not acute birthplace disaffection, the joys of sexpatriation, draft dodging, cheap booze, and so forth, then what brought me here? What kept me here? There’s only possible answer to the question and everyone’s already heard it. “I came to Casablanca for the waters.” Let that stand as mine, too, since it can’t be bettered. And was I misinformed? Only in the sense that nobody told me I would still be a stranger so long after the strange land lost its strangeness. I can live with it, though, and Richie can, too.